The Hideyoshi Vignettes
by flairina
Summary: Going through life with a permanent blush on your face isn't easy, but Hideyoshi manages to get by somehow.
1. Monday

If it isn't plainly obvious given the site you're reading this on that Baka and Test: Summon The Beasts isn't mine, you too might be eligible for Class F membership. Just saying.

* * *

You know, I've never really minded people mistaking my gender.

"There's no girl more beautiful than you, Hideyoshi!"

...the _first_ time someone meets me. It's when they start _ignoring_ that I've told them I'm a guy- multiple times over- that I start getting exasperated.

I try not to let it get to me, and most of the time it doesn't. But the love letters, and the multiple confessions from male admirers, whom I've usually already told I'm just as male as they are... those are... hmm.

That said, I suppose my looks can be advantageous sometimes. I get a lot of leeway with girls even when I'm helping my friends out with their less-than-morally-sound ideas, I can wear a lot of different clothing and look alright in almost all of it, I have my own changing room, all that stuff. So, it's not all bad really.

I am Hideyoshi Kinoshita, and this is my life. And if there's one thing I know, it's that I certainly can't say it isn't interesting.

* * *

It's happening again.

"So, uh... you wanna... would you please... go out with me?" the nervous looking boy asks, gulping and loosening his collar.

I told this guy before, I'm sure of it. But I'll say it again anyways...

"...I'm a _guy_."

"I know... you're so beautiful though... so I- I don't care!"

That's great, but since I'm fairly certain I'm not attracted to men, _I_ care! WHY does this happen so often? I'm pretty sure even actual girls don't have to put up with this sort of thing as often as I do!

* * *

After that little incident mercifully ends, I head to classroom 2-F as per usual. Because of the delay, I'm slightly late, but then again it's not as if we really do much in there anyways.

The aural ambiance of class 2-F is quite unique. There's the sound of creaking table wood, their legs about to give way even under the pitiful amount of weight they hold, some soft beeps and clicks from someone who smuggled a game device in, the grating of metal being sharpened by the cult that makes up most of the class... it's a very special place. Definitely one of a kind.

"Hey, Hideyoshi!"

I smile at Shimada and Himeji, who are waving me over from their seats. I think even if I had dedicated more time to academic study than drama practice before the placement test and ended up in a different class, I'd like this particular one more than any other anyways. It's relaxed, friendly, and there's not much to stress about since pretty much no one in here actually studies besides Himeji.

Though, it's also the headquarters of the FFF, almost all of whom have confessed their undying love to me at least once. And continue to do so even now, in fact. They tend to hold it in while in class for fear of punishment by their other members, but outside of it, they're huge hypocrites.

Still, they're not usually a problem so long as they're around each other, so all's well for the moment.

I walk over to my usual spot while looking over the room- I'm not sure where Yuuji is, but Kouta and Akihisa appear to be whispering back and forth with each other, evidently deep in discussion about something they're both hunched over top of. Curious.

"Hey, what are you two talking about?" I ask casually.

Akihisa turns and momentarily panics for some reason, plastering on a very obviously fake grin.

"Er, hey Hideyoshi! I uh- we're just... just..."

...jusssst?

"Ah, it's just um- guy talk! Yeah, you wouldn't understand."

...It's as if they've all got some form of short term memory loss that affects only concessions to my being male. But no, that can't be it, because they don't _always_ do this_._ Other times they freely admit it, and yet somehow manage to _act_ like I'm a girl anyways. It's very weird.

"Um, Akihisa, I'm a guy too, remember?"

"Right, right..."

He's not really listening- too focused on whatever Kouta is holding I guess.

I sigh, and sit down at the piece of wood that... honestly, even charitably, I don't think I can truly call a desk.

It was worth a shot, I suppose. Maybe I can find out what the big secret is some other time.

* * *

It's the end of the day, and somehow, I'm in a dress again. No one _else_ is in a dress. Even the _girls_ aren't in dresses. So how did _I _end up in a dress? I don't remember changing in to this.

...oh, forget it. If I didn't try to go with the flow I'd never be able to get through class F in one piece. Staying relatively mellow is the key to staying sane around here.

At least I can take some consolation in the fact that I'm not the only one who gets forced in to crossdressing on a regular basis. Akihisa somehow manages to find his way in to girl's clothing almost as often as I do, and Yuuji and Kouta got stuck doing it back at that festival, so I suppose I can't complain too much.

It's kind of _weird_ how often it seems to happen actually. It's like every time one incident passes, another one comes up, and more than half of them end with me and/or Akihisa in female clothing.

Some sort of conspiracy...?

...eh, seems unlikely. So, probably not.

Couldn't be.

Just coincidence.

...

I really _hope_ that's all it is...

* * *

AN: Ah, Hideyoshi, you are by far my favorite character in this series, which is a big thing considering I usually don't pick favorite anythings. It's not just because I relate to you in terms of androgyny and character, but also because you are by far the best source of snark within your circle of friends, subdued though it may be. Remarkably observant, yet strangely oblivious and/or innocent about certain topics at times too, which is especially weird considering you live with your nigh-identical sister. What a contradiction you are. It's wonderful. :D

Anyways, this will be a series of short snapshots from the life of- well, guess. Not sure how long this will be- so long as I can keep coming up with material, I guess. Hope you enjoy!

Quick note, I'm not including the specials or spinout episodes as part of canon, funny as that would be, so if you're wondering why the crossdressing contest/Beauty and the Beast play/karaoke/flower viewing incidents weren't and won't be mentioned, there's your answer. Go watch those if you haven't by the way, they're hilarious.


	2. Tuesday

People tend to think being "popular" is a good thing. But in my experience, it just means trouble.

For example, because Akihisa was careless enough to leave his bag open while walking in, and clumsy enough to spill its contents everywhere by tripping over his table, we all got a very good look at just what he puts in there, which we all knew wasn't schoolwork but never really thought to ask about. Shimada and Himeji went off on him for trying to smuggle in a pervy magazine (when exactly he thought he'd get a chance to look at that, I'm not sure), while _I_ discovered something rather more concerning strewn throughout the mess- several photos of _myself_ in various states of dress and undress. Upon questioning Akihisa where they'd come from, this little discovery was followed up by another- namely that Kouta, our resident hyper pervert (hypervert?), has apparently been selling photos of me.

In nearly every set of clothing I've ever worn at this school.

It's not been the best of mornings.

I'm not terribly happy with Kouta at the moment. I know his nickname is "Voyeur" and all, but I'm a guy, not to mention his friend! You'd think he'd at least ask!

...and frankly I'm a little annoyed I haven't been getting a cut of the profits.

Actually, browsing through the various shots I grabbed (which Akihisa is NOT getting back), I have to admit, to even get some of these... Kouta's pretty skilled. I suppose he's earned that "Silent Ninja" title.

Now the question is, how I do I get rid of these? Not just the ones I'm holding, but all the rest as well.

I turn to the cause of this problem, who's sitting at his desk fiddling with his camera. The others seem to be occupied with some sort of debate over Akihisa's poor spending choices, so now's probably a good time.

"Hey Kouta- just how many pictures of me have you sold?"

No answer. Come on, I already know this much, at least let me know how worried I should be.

My logic seems to win him over, and he eventually responds. "Uh... well, including reproductions, starting at the beginning of first year... I'd say roughly 10 or 11 thousand."

...

That's at least 4 or 5 times more people than there even are in this school. Even accounting for the time frame, that _can't_ be right.

"No, I'm pretty sure it is." Kouta replies, looking at the ceiling and seeming to count something out on his fingers, completely missing my expression of total disbelief. "Yeah, that seems right. Actually, it'd be more, but I don't have the resources to make more than a couple copies of each photo. Besides, they sell better when people know they're limited edition."

...I don't think I can keep calm about this one. Just who are you selling them too?!

"Hmm, I'd say about 3/4ths of the school, along with some people who don't go here. If you wanted me to list names, it would take up the rest of the morning tho-"

He suddenly cuts off in order to crouch in front of Himeji, who just fell backwards (and marginally raised her skirt) for reasons I missed due to being occupied with my own problems.

There's no way I can get that many pictures back. How did I not find out about this until just now? I know a lot of the school's male population prefers me over the many female students of Fumizuki- for some reason-, and I also know Kouta constantly goes to great lengths to take pictures of girls and sell/"collect" them, yet somehow the thought that there might be some crossover between those two statements never really clicked.

...Wait, these pictures wouldn't be what those two were whispering about yesterday, would it?

I've got a horrible suspicion that it was.

Guh... well, I can't get them all back, that's a given. I also highly doubt I can stop Kouta, who takes his habits of peeping and spying to the point that so much as asking him not to do so would be akin to asking a shark to stop swimming- possible, but highly unlikely, and refraining from doing so would likely lead to death in minutes (the shark from lack of air, Kouta from extreme withdrawal). So... I suppose I may as well just try to make the best of it then. It's not as if it could get much worse unless he starts branching out to other countries, after all. As soon as he wakes up from his newest panty-induced nosebleed coma, I'll have to see if I can at least get a portion of the proceeds from now on.

I'm going to feel like I'm being watched everywhere I go now, aren't I...?

* * *

Later in the day, I spot my sister coming down the hallway, and wave in greeting.

"Hey sis. How's your day been going?"

"...Hmmph."

That's all I get before she brushes past, eyes shut as if unable to so much as stand to look at me, before continuing towards her destination.

I stand there for a moment, a little hurt, before sighing and continue on my own way as well.

I'm not exactly certain why she's grown to dislike me so much since we entered high school. Or maybe it was a little before that, I'm not sure. We used to get along fairly well...

Sometimes I get the bizarre feeling that it's because Yuuko is sort of jealous of me. Which makes no sense, seeing as we're practically identical, and she's better than me at pretty much everything but theater related subjects, but that weird suspicion still creeps up on me on occasion.

She's gotten angry over my smaller waist before... is that it? It shouldn't all that shocking, I'm probably more active than she is. Even though I don't do any particular sort of exercise other than voice and singing exercises, Class F's plans tend to get pretty hectic and physically intensive, often involving a lot of running. By contrast, most of her time is spent studying or lounging on the couch reading her boy-on-boy books.

...Come to think of it, is there an actual term for those things? Is it an entire genre? It would have to be, given how many she has, right? I'm not really one for reading unless its a script, so I guess I don't really know.

Note to self, ask about that later.

* * *

"I'm home!"

As soon as I make my way to the living room, my attention is caught by the book left sitting on the table- it's one of Yuuko's. Right, I was going to ask about these, wasn't I?

"Hey sis?" I call as I walk in to her room with the book. "You here?"

Indeed she is, reclining on the bed completely pantsless and looking at the literature in my hand with a horrified expression.

"Wha- get your hands off that!"

In a flash, she leaps from her spot and rips her property away from me, faster than I can even attempt to react.

"Woah, sorry!" I hold my hands up placatingly as I notice the death glare she's giving me. "I'm not trying to take it or anything, I was just curious what those types of books are called!"

"I KNOW you weren't trying to take it- or at least I certainly HOPE not!" she screams, infuriated for some reason beyond my understanding. "And don't call them _anything_!"

Okay... so should I just keep thinking of them as your weird gay guy books, or...?

"**NO!** The subject shouldn't exactly be coming up in casual conversation, so if you know what's good for you then you'll never have reason to mention them! EVER!"

With that, she pushes me out of her room and slams the door in my face.

...Did I do something wrong?

No matter how many people mistake me for one, I don't think I'll ever understand girls...


	3. Wednesday

I rise from my bed the next morning with determination in my eyes and a light in my heart, which may sound ridiculous, but feels pretty great all the same.

The reason? Today is the dawn of a new era. Today, everything will (hopefully) change.

Today, I will be taking the first steps towards making people recognize that I am, in fact, male.

It was after yesterday's discovery of the photo ring that I decided on this. This has become patently ridiculous, and things show no sign of changing on their own, since I'm pretty sure puberty is done with me. So, I'll have to be proactive if I want anyone or any_thing_ to see me as a guy. I'd be happy even if it only works for a short while- a break from the "affection" I get from the school's male population would be nice no matter how little time it lasts.

I run some ideas through my head as I prep for the day and head downstairs to cook breakfast for myself and sis.

Hmm... I suppose cutting my hair is the obvious option. That might help, at least. But... I _like_ how I look; I don't really want to compromise that. Besides, I'd probably just end up looking like a short haired girl. Unless I can change my feminine facial features, altering my looks probably isn't the way to go about this.

Maybe I could try using a more masculine voice? It'd be a real pain to keep up all the time though, even with all the training I've put my voice through for drama and acting. I'll keep that idea filed for now.

Taking up more manly hobbies? I already do crocheting, but no one seems to care about that- though, I suppose that's not really public knowledge. Still, between that and drama, how much time do I really have leftover for other activities? Besides which, I'm not all that good at sports.

Hmm, this may take a bit more time to plan than I imagined...

* * *

I overhear a conversation taking place behind some trees as I'm walking in to school, still trying to think up new ideas.

"Come on dude, just go talk to her!"

"I can't talk to Hideyoshi, she's way out of my league!"

That's all I manage to hear before I hurriedly enter the school building.

...okay, you know what, I won't take issue with that one. Sort of flattering actually. Though I really hope he _doesn't_ work up the nerve to talk to me in person...

* * *

By the time I arrive at the classroom, I've managed to come up with something I think might work.

"Good morning Hideyoshi!" Akihisa cheerfully greets me as he sits down, evidently having completely forgotten about yesterday.

"Mornin' Aki. Ya need somethin'?" I respond casually.

The class idiot- which is saying something, considering this class- gives me a weird look, as do the other members of our little group.

"Um, Hideyoshi? Why are you talking like that?"

"I dunno, maybe I just don't feel like bein' polite right now. Think of that?" I shoot back, adding some extra flippancy to my voice.

The idea I had is that maybe if I change my speech _patterns_ and talk a little "rougher", people will associate me with the sort of people who usually speak that way. This is usually considered "male" speech, so... well, it's worth a try, right?

Akihisa looks stunned. So does everyone else. I start to sweat a little- I'm not used to being the center of attention.

Well, not around my friends, at least. A lot of other places it happens whether I want it too or not.

"Huh..." Akihisa mutters, holding the back of his head as if confused. "Hideyoshi, are you..."

Wait, is he...?

"...are you maybe...?"

Yes! If I can get through to him of all people, then...!

"...turning in to a tomboy?"

I fall backwards, but recover in time to keep from hitting my head on the floor.

"It's cute!" Akihisa continues obliviously. "A little strange coming from someone as feminine as you, but I kinda like it!"

Shimada starts pressing her fingers together, a blush highlighting her face. I guess she took that as Akihisa indirectly complimenting her.

"It makes a good contrast to Himeji, I mean it's not like we have any other girls in this classroom to compare with."

And now Shimada's face is turning red for an entirely different reason. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up. I shouldn't have either, really.

I just sigh as the actual tomboy of Class-2F puts Akihisa in a back breaking lock, and reflect on the fact that perhaps he was not the person I should have tried this on first. Okay, well, I've still got the rest of the day...

* * *

Two hours later, and most of the sports club members are after me with requests that I join the baseball/soccer/tennis/etcetera club with them. All of them are apparently taking my change in speech pattern to mean that I'm suddenly taking up more physical activities, probably in accordance with Akihisa's "tomboy" thought process. Not exactly what I had been hoping they'd assume.

The swimming club is being especially persistent. Worse, they've been bringing their ideas for my prospective "uniform" with them, most of which don't look like they were actually meant for swimming, and are definitely not standard swim team wear. I don't know how word spread so quickly, but my classroom isn't safe since everyone knows where I am, so I'm technically skipping right now as I run around hiding from the other students- who are _also _technically skipping, come to think of it.

Well, this didn't work. I clearly need to think up something else.

* * *

By lunchtime or so, things seem to have died down a bit- maybe the teachers got to wondering where roughly a quarter of the students had gone- and I'm able to return to Class 2-F. Thankfully, to my knowledge, no one in here plays sports. In the lowest ranked classes, video games pretty much reign supreme.

Huh, there's an idea. That's considered a "male" hobby, right? I can at least pretend to like those, I think.

"Hey, Akihisa, do you have any video game recommendations?" I ask as I sit back down, where everyone's just sort of chatting.

"Huh?"

He blinks at me, probably wondering why I'm asking about something like this when I've never shown any interest in video games before.

"Uh... Hideyoshi, most of the games I- well, you probably wouldn't enjoy..."

He continues to stammer unintelligibly as I sigh and turn away. Right, again, bad idea to try anything with him first. Change of plans.

"Kouta, do YOU have any video games you could rec-?"

Like lightning, Kouta bolts out of his seat and is gone. Just... gone.

...on second thought, maybe that's for the best. I probably don't want to know what kind of games a guy nicknamed "Voyeur" plays, do I?

"Yuuji? Anything?"

"Hmm?"

The red haired boy looks over at me from where he's trying to look "casually cool"- head down, eyes closed, back and one foot on the wall.

"Beats me, I don't really play video games as often as those two. I've got no idea what you'd like."

Huh. Really? No one in my immediate circle of friends can help me on this?

"Umm..."

I turn to see Himeji of all people, looking at me with a smile and a slight blush on her face.

"I think... you might like the game 'Boy's Wonderland'. I know I enjoy it..."

Er... well, I sure didn't expect Himeji of all people to suggest something. The title sounds perfect for my purposes though.

"Alright, thanks Himeji."

"Yeah, I really think you'll like it!" Himeji exclaims, nodding her head enthusiastically.

She looks so earnest that I can't help but believe her. Though I can't exactly go buy that right this second, so I guess I'll try it some other time. I'm exhausted from earlier anyways. I think I'm gonna give it up for the day...

* * *

-The Kinoshita Household, 7:00 PM-

"Hey Hideyoshi, you know what you need?" my sister asks from her position on the couch.

No. What, Yuuko?

"A girlfriend."

...Uh... where did that come from?

"Get one. Tomorrow."

Wha- Yuuko, you can't just demand that sort of thing out of nowhere!

"Well I can't take having a brother who gets more love letters and confessions than the entire rest of the school combined! From GUYS!" she yells, standing up from the couch before continuing. Crap, that means she's serious. "It's _embarrassing_! If you get a girlfriend they'll have to stop, right?!"

Look, I highly doubt that would really discourage most of them! There's a reason I didn't even consider this as a viable plan earlier today! I'm not interested in anyone! Nor is anyone I would even consider going out with interested in me!

"You're _never_ interested in anyone! And what do you mean, there's TONS of people after you!"

Yeah, but like you just said, they're all GUYS!

That was evidently the wrong thing to say, as she then proceeds to chase me out of the room, tossing random at-hand items at me.

"DAMN IT, IT'S NOT FAIR! WHY DO THE BOYS ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO **YOU**?!"

It's not as if I _WANT_ them too!

* * *

AN: Heh, Hideyoshi's speech pattern change idea probably would have worked better in Japanese- just pretend that this is the English version of that scene, and this was the best they could do to localize it. Because it was the best **I** could do.

This is sort of my "lazy" fic, for when I feel like I should write something but can't bring myself to bother working on any of my more serious fics. So yeah, this just updates when I feel like it. Expect no schedule whatsoever.


End file.
